I am Me yet I'm Not Me

I hate that nothing goes according to plan...
I hate that sometimes there is a need to pick a side...
I hate that I can't always believe in somethings even thou knowing it that it is not true...
I hate that nothing in life is justice nor fair...
I hate that sacrifices are always been made in my decisions...
I hate that no matter how hard i tried, its still not enough...
I hate that I have to ask somebody for help...
I hate that I can't always do everything myself...
I hate that I understand too much...
I hate that I question too much...
I hate that even knowing i'm drowning, i would not give up...
I hate that I can't even do anything, even knowing that it will happen like this...
I hate that I'm a very closed book person...
I hate that I'm not a good friend...
I hate that I never achieve anything in my life that will make them proud...
I hate that I observed too much...
I hate that I think too much...
I hate that my identity is messed up...
I hate that I have no talent in achieving what i want...
I hate that I caused nothing more than the suffering for others...
I hate that I can't make the ones I love or cherish to be happy...
I hate that I'm so forgetful always...
I hate that I'm so clumsy...
I hate that I caused others unnecessary worries...
I hate that I can't even express how i feel...
I hate that I can't be what they expected me to be...

Does ' killing yourself ' ever came across your mind?
For me, is a everyday thought... Yet I'm been hold back with my own believes, trying to make everything better... I just want the hope and the reason to live...

There is always a hope i found... however This hope is nothing more than just words, words that always bring me down whenever everything i tried to think for the better...

This list here is one of the things i hate... which here I have taken my first for most very step for a long time in stepping up and overcoming myself.

As always, i'm just expressing myself... I expected nothing more than just knowing me and understanding me more... yet there still a never be chance that will happen, as i believe I'm guarded by another me for a reason that i yet to be understand  or found... and What really am I? I never knew that question's answer even knowing I am Me yet I'm Not Me...

by
Andrew Zero